I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"