Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.