my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again