also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E