Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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