Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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