I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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