We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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