On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
