dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
