My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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