so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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