Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
