I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
PANTIES FOUND
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
