i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
