kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
