i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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