Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
