If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
