So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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