Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think i got beer on your cat.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
