Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
