I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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