you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
