I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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