shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
