i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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