I just saw a hot homeless man
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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