no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
