I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
