just come out here and I will go home with you...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
