May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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