she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
