apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
