thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
