Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's Friday. Sex?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
