Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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