I am in a vortex of obligation.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
