I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
