He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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