Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Couch. On fire.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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