Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize