community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
