how can u be prego again
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
