I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
