my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So gin and wine won't be happening again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
