And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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