gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
