allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
