I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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