Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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