dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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