Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....