A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early