nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.