Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it