I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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