Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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