Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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