just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
