i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
