Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
