Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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