What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
