All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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