I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish i was in the wii world.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
