ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
