Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
