Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize