I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize